Why I Don’t Believe That Jesus Is My Savior
A friend of mine recently turned me on to Pete Holmes podcast, which I never would have chosen from the title of his show, “You Made It Weird”, but thankfully I have vowed to remain curious in this life and so I clicked…
This particular podcast with Father Richard Rohr is one that I have now listened to several times over this last week. There is so much to digest that I needed to hit replay, rewind and take some notes. As both of these humans on the podcast, there were many years in my life that I practiced fundamental Christian doctrine and thankfully, like them, found myself questioning my then strongly held beliefs several months before my final exodus of organized religion.
I grew up in an atmosphere, where people created God in their own image instead of the other way around. Most of what I think of as Christianity today makes God into their own image. To be fair, I haven’t stepped foot in a church in 6 years, so I may be out of touch with what is happening in some churches in the United States. However, what I have personally encountered is that church leaders and congregants take the Bible verses and interpret them in a way that fits their comfort and lifestyle, foregoing the true mystical understanding of them. I grew up in a church culture that exuded smugness and exclusivity around faith. I bought into it. Over the 25+ years that I was involved in the western Christian religion, I believed that I was a part of the elite group of God’s saints; the upper-class of humans who would have the front row of mansions in heaven. Through Christian teachings and leadership, I developed a train of thought that I needed to depend on Jesus alone for helping me on this earthly journey. Why is it that we have put our dependence on a figure that came to teach us that we have what we need inside of us?
Even today, I was speaking with a loved one about the importance of training our minds to be hopeful and positive. To rewire our mind to be joyful and elevated in regards to our purpose and path here on this earth, so we can alleviate and deal with the stresses and complexities of this life so that we don’t welcome unwanted sicknesses and judgments towards others and circumstances.
They claimed their lifeline is in Jesus, “Trust in Jesus”, “He will make it all better”. I understand the sentiment. I once thought the same. However, I now believe that when I was birthed into this world, I was given the lifeforce, the breath of God. I took my first breath and it was the literal expression of God, of Love. Therefore, I was born into my purpose and was given all that I need to live a purposeful life here on this earth. I don’t need to continually ask Jesus to help me as if he is outside of me. I have the same spirit in me. The same spirit of Divine.
What I have learned after I exited the comfort of the organization of the church and church dogma is that God is inexplainable, vast, unknowing, mystical. God, the Divine, was not limited to the teachings I listened to for 30 years of my life. Upon leaving the establishment of the modern American institutionalized church I found myself in great wonderment. I felt a portal open up in my entire being. I began to be curious. I began to ask questions about the beliefs I had believed. I found myself shedding the layers of fear that had coated my existence since I was 5 years old. I intuitively knew that the transformation I was going through would change my life, but that it was essential for me to grow in Love. I knew that I would lose friends and possibly my family relationships, but without a doubt, I resigned myself to the fact that this was my path.
And so, for the past 11 years, I have been on a path of curiosity. A step by step journey of finding contentment in the mystical Divine. I have greater peace and delight in the adventure of NOT knowing everything. I have an enormous sense of aliveness experiencing life as it unfolds, rather than waiting for the ecstasy of heaven. Heaven is now. I have NO idea of what happens after my last breath is taken here on this earth. But I do have complete contentment in the idea that this is not the end. I don’t need to know what is next. I don’t need to put my trust in knowing where I will spend eternity. I don’t need to fear whether I did it right. I don’t need to exhaust myself in following some set of rules because ULTIMATELY, my salvation is in the unknown, the mystical sphere of God.
For those of you that are seekers, you dear ones who are on a journey of finding the Divine Presence in your everyday life, I propose that this conversation between these two human beings will be helpful and will leave an immense impression on you as a curious being. The mystery of God is precisely what should make us curious and seek to continously grow in Love. If we are not expanding our capacity to love – to love ourselves, to love this earth, to love others, to love nature, to love creatures – than maybe we are resisting the true meaning of salvation.