The Answer Is Within
I was on an errand today, making my final destination to La Conner, by way of winding through Skagit Valley backroads. There were fields of tulips beaming their bright rays to every passerby. Whenever I feel the urge in my body to find solitude, one of the best ways for me to get quiet is to go on a beautiful drive to the water, and not by way of the interstate. I had a pair of lamps to get rewired and La Conner has a master for that, so on my drive, I went.
I began praying and immediately caught myself in an old mindset. I grew up in a culture that believed and taught that we needed to pray to God over and over and over for answers. If I didn’t hear anything back, then there was probably something wrong with me, or my heart. Or I wasn’t praying hard enough. The assumption from us in the pews was that the leaders of the church, those in self-appointed positions “by God” were more capable of hearing God for our lives. They had a direct line to God, so we needed them to hear God’s direction for us.
Here’s the thing…
We don’t need permission from anyone, any deity outside of ourselves. We have Spirit inside of us. We are Spirit. The answer is within.
As I prayed today, I am asking the collective Spirit for direction, nudging, guidance, signposts, and turn signals. I don’t pray for something outside of me to change me, to give me answers, or to make decisions for me. I pray for the roadsigns. And this feels so much better, than begging for some entity outside of me to give me the answer.
It never felt right or good, as I was growing up in the church, to look out and search outside of myself for the answers. I stopped praying for several years after I left the church. I stopped praying in the way that I had for the first 35 years of my life. The language was not my own, it was a language that I copied from others who believed their way was the best way. If I am created in the image and likeness of God, which to me means that I am Spirit, then just like any other relationship, I get to find my own language of how to relate.