Marriage Practice

Like anything you want to be good at, you must practice.

Jac Cash

My wife and I do our best to reserve each Sunday as our day to be spontaneous and do something different than any other day of the week. Recently, we decided to go on a walk in a new setting. We drove to our destination and the walk we thought would be epic turned out to be short and there were duck hunters in the not so far distant. Hearing gunshots on our walk through the thick fog wasn’t comforting so we finished it quickly and then went for breakfast at a new spot.

While we were sitting and eating our breakfast sandwiches, we started talking about the current state of our marriage. Nothing serious just reflecting and checking in with one another. You see, I am in peri-menopause and have had some intense hormonal days lately. On these days, I am not myself and she doesn’t know what to do with that. I am always strong and she depends on that. So, we talked about it.

I reminded her what I need on these intense hormonal days. I need affection, acceptance, gentleness, humor, and lightheartedness. She said she doesn’t know what to do when I’m struggling. I said honey, all I need you to do is come closer to me. Hold me. And bring your energy near me. Not to fix me. But to be in my mess with me without reacting. Bring your light and love close to me without having to change me. Come close and tap into your own spirit and consider what is there for you and me.

I asked my wife to consider ways that she could share the load of responsibility with me in our personal lives, you know adulting. I asked her if she could make a list of things that would help lighten the load on me. I asked if she could set her work down at times and help with the grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, caring for our cat. She listened. We laughed at ourselves and we committed to going to that next level of making our marriage, our relationship, our friendship, our loveship more meaningful and fulfilling for both of us so that we can be our best selves and shine that light on others.