Life in the River

As a Gemini, I have a strong propensity to overthink and overanalyze everything. And by everything I mean things like:

• Am I being a great friend?
• Did I listen to my niece yesterday or just tell her what I think?
• Did I lock the front door?
• Are my wife’s keys where they should be?
• I shouldn’t leave the dishes in the sink tonight because it will throw everything off tomorrow morning when I get up.
• I should know how to cook more things. I’m going to try new recipes 6 times a week.
• What is this bump on my ear? It’s probably some kind of cancer and I should GTS it (GOOGLE THAT SHIT).
• What was that sound? Maybe someone is trying to break into my car.
• Should I have said it that way or did it come across too aggressive?
• I should probably change my passwords for everything because I got a weird text.
• Am I going to run out of TP? Maybe I should get more in case I run out.
• I better look at my RING camera notifications every time in case someone is trying to break in to the Airbnb I manage.
• Why did that grocery store cashier respond that way? I was being nice.
• Does this plant need more light? More food? Or just some sweet talk?
• Is our cat okay? He sleeps all day.
• Am I drinking too much coffee? I should drink more tea. Or more decaf.
• Have I been giving enough to my family? I need to spend more time with them.
• Are these flowers I bought at the store for my neighbors pretty enough? Maybe I should rearrange them. I should google how to arrange flowers.
• I bought this handpan. I should be producing music with it. It’s not enough that I play just for myself.
• I’m not writing 4 hours everyday. I I’m not a writer. Writers don’t write less than 4 hours a day.

I will overthink everything the rest of my earthly life. Thing is, this isn’t a horrible thing. If I can accept this, then maybe I can get in the RIVER with it.

Maybe, just maybe, if I saw this as a gift, then I would not keep trying to fix it or be so critical toward myself about it.

Maybe, just maybe, I could then use it to my advantage.

Maybe, just maybe, I could find the humor in it.

Maybe, just maybe, I could learn to recognize when it is out of balance and gently keep it in check.

Maybe, just maybe, my “should’s” need to be “I will” or “I will not”.

This gift, this thorn in my side, is here to teach me something. If I slow down, stay aware, then I will continue to see it as my gift. It is who I am. It’s all about perspective.

Maybe, just maybe, the things we are so critical of ourselves are our gifts and these gifts are inviting us to jump in the river with them. Oh, the possibilities of what we could accomplish with them. And our energy could be much more life-giving to ourselves and others, if we only jumped in and stayed open to the unknown. The ease and flow.

A little poem I wrote for all of us:

Oh River

You call to me

Sometimes I don’t know why

But when I jump in

My problems subside

Is it the forgetting of the human life

Or maybe the letting go

Whatever it is

I may not know

But not knowing

Is exactly why I jump in

Jump In my dear, fellow. Jump In and be certain that the not knowing is where LIVING is.