Grief. Vulnerability. Reality.
(This is an excerpt from January 18, 2012 taken from my journal.)
Grief. It can come at any moment. You can see a picture or hear a song that reminds you of a loss and grief is present. It’s never something you can put into a time frame – 2 days, 5 months, 2 years. You just need to know what to do when it comes.
This morning I looked at a picture on Facebook of an old friend’s kid. A sadness came over me. I think I have identified what areas triggered the sadness. One is that the friend used to respond to my messages on Facebook or email and now she doesn’t. Secondly, is the reality that I am not close to her and her family anymore. I am grieving the loss of how close we once were. She used to be a person I would pour my hurts out to, pour my struggles out to and she always responded quickly to me. She was always ready to listen and give plenty of encouragement and wisdom. I have to grieve the loss of this friendship.
I realize that this is a different post than I usually write on my blog, but lately I have wanted to break out of my comfort zone and write more of my life processes. Every human being goes through life processes and maybe some of mine will be helpful or encouraging to someone who reads them.
I made a big change in my life a few years ago and it was the best decision. I couldn’t have made that decision without the help of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I left everything that was comfortable and routine because I didn’t like who I was becoming. I wasn’t authentic. I was only someone who the people in my life wanted me to be.
The moment I abandoned that web of people-pleasing, I stepped into a new life of living by faith and by the grace of God, I will never return to a life of living more for the praises of man, then of the One who created me.
This is me. I want to be real and free to be me.