My Purpose Isn’t for the Four Walls of Church. My Purpose is for the Real World.
March 10, 1998 (Journal entry of mine)
“…Dan encouraged me and then prophesied over me that I am going to be ministering to people – that I will affect a lot of people with wherever and whatever God leads me in.”
I am 44 years old and I am an empath. The trademark of an empath is that we feel and absorb other people’s emotions and/or physical symptoms because of our high sensitivities. Empaths filter the world through their intuition and have a difficult time intellectualizing their feelings. If you would like to read more, here is an article of Top 10 traits of an Empath. Very often, I pull out journals I have been keeping for 20+ years or handwritten cards from my family and friends. I love to re-read the cards and feel all those wonderful, yummy feelings of love. But it’s a different feeling when I start pulling out my old journals – it is not quite so yummy, but I do it anyway because I know that what I wrote about 20 years ago is still MY journey – MY growth – MY life.
To give you perspective, I have two banker boxes full of journals – with over 20 journals in each box! Crazy as it is, I have been writing about my life since I was 14 years old. That’s 30 years of documenting this one precious life.
Today I started reading a journal from March 1998, when I was a student in Christ Church Kirkland’s Masters Commission (MC’s). Over the past 10 years, I have not been able to re-read these journal entries because my language disturbs me – they are not heart-readable. As I reflect, I feel like I missed out on real-life stuff; dating, living by myself, developing my intuition, having my own thoughts outside of the church. My entries read like the chapters of a twisted cult story, entirely focused on church events, church relationships, church messages, following the leaders, performing and evangelizing for Christ. UGH. Well, thank God, thank you, Source for walking me through and away from that past life. Today I can read those entries with greater perspective, more acceptance, and less anger.
Okay, so back to this quoted journal entry above. In case you are wondering who Dan is, let me give you a snippet. Dan and Paula were my host family in Masters Commission for one year. They had 4 lovely daughters, ages 3 to 10. This wonderful family opened their home and lives up to me when I joined MC’s. I was a stranger. They made room in their home for me to lay my head. They fed me. They loved me. They helped me launch into adulthood. Albeit, it was all filtered through Christ Church Kirkland and Christianize, but they were lovely and “perfect”.
This quote from my journal entry was normal language back then. I read it now and see truth camouflaged in lifeless language. That language that was exclusive. That language was fear-based. That language had me chained to CCK’s approval. However, Dan had so much truth in what he said to me. He had so much love in what he said. He wanted me to think beyond me. He wanted me to think of my purpose beyond MC’s. He was speaking from Spirit. He was right.
Since that day in 1998, over 20 years ago, I have “ministered” to many. I have loved many. And I still do. But now it’s a different language, a language of love. I have left that old language behind. I have left much behind in order to be my authentic self: someone I LOVE, someone I am proud of, someone who is ever-evolving, curious and inclusive.
We all have a purpose. We all have a reason we are here. Hopefully, at some point in this life, we realize what that purpose is. If you need a little nudge, let me suggest reading “The Artists Way” by Julia Cameron. Since I am a lifelong learner, I have picked this book up recently and started reading it. There is always something to learn. Here are the 10 basic principles of living your truth, your creativity according to Julia:
- Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy.
- There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life – including ourselves.
- When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator’s creativity within us and our lives.
- We are ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.
- Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.
- The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.
- When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.
- As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.
- It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.
- Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.
So, Dan, if you ever read this I want you to know that what you said was true. I may not use the same language today that you did back then, but the essence of what you shared is the truth over 21 years ago.
And to anyone reading this, please please please, take the time to find your purpose and then do it. It’s one thing to know your purpose. It’s another thing to have it as a virtual tattoo on your mind and live it every day. It takes time to know your self and to know your values. It takes curiosity, silence, and meditation to find you. Today I am convinced if I can’t sit quietly with myself and my thoughts for a period of time, something is wrong. Something is not authentic. I have to do something different. Today is the day.
It is never too late to make a change in your ONE precious life. Don’t ignore this still small voice speaking to you. Do something today to honor your purpose. Otherwise, you will be hearing this same message 2 months from now, 3 years from now, 10 years from now, 30 years from now. Just stop resisting. Follow your bliss. Agree with your intuition. Do your inner work, even if no one is watching or applauding you. Do it for yourself.