Men of Quality Respect Women’s Equality

“I thought it wouldn’t matter since you are a lesbian.”

A comment a Christian guy friend made to me after I confronted him about his inappropriate touching and shady behavior with me. This is another blog post in itself since this was someone I grew up with for almost 20 years.

“You’re so beautiful. What a waste.”

A comment a man made to my partner after he asked if she was married and she said, “Yes”, pointing to me.

“Oh, you must be the one on top.”

A comment a man made to me after I told him my girlfriend and I owned the pop-up shop he and I were both standing in.

Throughout the summer, when my wife and I are on the road with our vintage pop-up shop, we have plenty of meaningful interactions with people. However, when it’s an interaction that leaves me dumbfounded and uncomfortable, it’s usually been with a man. Our lifestyle is unconventional. During the summer we travel all over the PNW attending music festivals, rodeos, and other social events. We often have the opportunity to dance to live music. We love dancing with one another, but without fail, when she and I are on the dance floor together we are repeatedly interrupted by men cutting in. Without prejudging their intentions, we oblige, but it doesn’t take long to realize their agenda. We are seen as available because we weren’t dancing with a man, and their sexual desires quickly come to the forefront. Often times, I stand aside and watch other couples dancing. 100% are heterosexual couples and these same men aren’t cutting in on them. Why? Because there is a man by the woman’s side and it is assumed she is spoken for and off-limits.

For years I have observed how humans interact with each other – how men treat women and how women treat men. I agree there are many gender-specific personality traits but I question the box we put gender roles in. Your sex does not give you a pass to disrespect others. My sex does not make me a possession, or an object. I am a human being. You are a human being. I believe we are born to complement one another, not own one another. Your gender does not give you the right to violate others’ ears and eyes with your unsolicited, disrespectful, vulgar commentary. Show some respect for yourself and your mother. As a female, I am not interested in carrying around your misplaced sexual energy. I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it. Keep your defiling comments to yourself. Any woman who respects herself does not think your behavior is attractive, funny, or clever. It’s quite the opposite.  Your repulsive behavior displays your crude opinion of us as women.

YOU are choosing to show us that YOU aren’t capable of intelligent conversation. YOU are showing us that YOU don’t see us as a valuable human, worthy of your respect and kindness. Every time YOU choose to open YOUR mouth and degrade a woman, YOU are eroding not only YOUR character and YOUR virtue, but YOUR behavior is aiding in the global pandemic of oppressive energy. YOUR actions are bringing darkness where there should be light.

When you make sexual comments, how should we respond to you? What is your agenda? How do these comments benefit you? Do you ever think about how it will make a female feel when you make sexual comments?

“Empathy is how we learn who we are, who we’re capable of being and how to cooperate with each other (despite differences) to become the best version of ourselves. It’s how we grow.” Ryan Douglass

As for me and my house, we will no longer allow your comments and jesters to go by without calling you out on it! I know plenty of men who treat women with respect and honor. Therefore, I know that it is possible for every man to do the same. Those that don’t are choosing to do so.

I ask you this: At the end of the day, can you close your eyes, recount your interactions that day and say “I treated every person with respect and dignity today”?

Only you and God know the answer…nighty-night…zzzz