Only One Winner

I keep putting off writing here. It’s not that I don’t have plenty to say, but there is this unrelenting relationship I still engage in with my non-authentic self. My voice in life is much more candid than my writing voice here where I picture faces of those reading my musings. I still have an unhealthy connection of considering what others think of me more than letting my full self shine and show up in every aspect of life.

Even more intriguing about my psyche is that the people I picture reading my blog, for the most part, aren’t in my everyday life anymore. But still there is an emotional connection to what they think of me. They represent who I used to be.

A dear friend of mine commented on a Facebook post I did the other day. She said she likes how I just “lay it out there” and that I don’t care what people think of me. I told her that I was working on this blog post topic of still feeling like I care too much what people think. Then she made a very clear distinction. She said, “I think you are used to worrying about what people think but you may have moved past that more than you realize.”

She’s right. I spent so much of my life worrying about what others think of me that it became my default way of thinking. Over the past 6 years, I have been very conscious of this crippled way of living and I am doing the work to become free of that. Even though we become conscious of something that we want to change  in our life, it takes time to transform ourselves.
Here’s to this ever-changing, ever-evolving, ever-deepening journey of becoming our true selves. I say we show up just as we are, even if we have taken a step backward. So what! Your next moment is a new beginning. A fresh start. There’s only one winner in this fight! Let it be the real you!