Normalcy. Unhappy. Risk.

Have you ever felt like you were on the edge of a cliff and you couldn’t see what was below you? Not literally, but the felling of it. You have butterflies in your stomach; you have a hard time going to sleep because you are consumed with the edge of that cliff; you wake up in the middle of the night because you ponder what will happen when you leave the edge of safety; your friends are telling you to stay on solid ground, “don’t jump” they shout at you; you add to your virtual list of what could go wrong;  your thoughts toggle between the worst happening and the excitement of not knowing where you will land.

It can be a cluster of a process on the edge of a decision in your life, a change, that will shift your previous understanding of normalcy. A few years ago, I found myself being disgruntled with my everyday routine. I kept wondering whose life I was living, mine or what I thought others wanted me to live like. That, by the way, is no one’s fault but mine. If I am making decisions in my life based on the approval of others, then it’s my fault when I am not happy in life. Once I realized that I had listened far too long to the voices in my head of man’s approval being my rudder, I got angry. Not only did I get angry (which is a normal, healthy, human emotion), but I immediately began dreaming about what I wanted my life to look like. It was like I was finally coming out of a coma and taking my first breath all on my own.

Taking risks in life can be scary. We are human and our minds can think up a million different reasons to stay  comfortable. For me, the blueprint has yet to arrive in the mail detailing what my life will look like in 2 weeks or 2 years. What I do know is that there is a great tension when one is on the verge of taking a risk outside of their comfort zone. There is no formula for each person to know how to make those decisions.  However, you will never know what is really inside of you until you step out of what “feels” safe according to your experience.

The picture of me below is hours after embarking on a great adventure of leaving home and moving to a tiny island off the coast of Honduras. In this picture, I had no idea I would be doing humanitarian work for children and seeing an inner passion realized. I had no idea what challenges I would have ahead. I didn’t know when my money would run out or what I would do next to fill my pockets. I didn’t know where I would lay my head at night, nor whom I would become friends with along the way. What did I know? I was alive and ready for living a life of not always knowing every detail!

Have you faced experiences in your life as if you are about ready to step out from the edge of  a cliff?